I have been looking at photography pictures and different photographers the last few weeks, which I love because each of their perspectives on people, things, animals, settings, etc. are all different. I found a project that involved filling people’s physical scars, from surgery, from stretch marks, etc. with gold paint of some kind. Similar to an ancient art of filling cracked pots in with gold to showcase their beauty.
I have been thinking about this idea of scars and suffering being filled with gold. I struggle with the idea that gold (or anything) has to fill, or cover, those scars or suffering. Because what is a scar? It is a healed wound. What I see instead of covering up those places of suffering and grief is allowing those places to be seen and the beauty that there is in our hurt places and not just our physical scars. This makes me think about an idea that there is so much beauty in our sorrow, if we will allow ourselves to experience our sorrow and grief because on the other side of it, we can see how it has helped us to grow. And, oh, if we can hang on through that type of journey, there is so much peace and joy there.
Why do we want to cover up? We want to cover up because the world has taught us that we aren’t worth it, that no one wants to be with us, that we can’t ever get to that place of being okay. And our wounds may be deep, or too raw for us to handle appropriately. And so, we cover it up, we pretend we are okay on the outside, when inside we are screaming out in pain (and sometimes that pain lashes out at other people), and sometimes we don’t recognize it. We think about what horrible people we are, or what horrible people others are, or maybe both, or how horrible this world is.
We all carry our own grief and sorrow with us; it doesn’t mean we have experienced a deep trauma like physical abuse, sexual abuse, loss of a loved one, been in a traumatic event like a car accident, etc. (although those hurt us deeply as well). We are truly still all little kids inside who are hurting and seeking attention. And we think that if we must experience pain and loss one more time, we won’t make it; so we cover it up, we hide, we seek attention from other people. When, really if we experience that grief, sorrow, and pain, then we can start to see the beauty of ourselves. Then we can begin to experience who we truly are, then we can start to heal those places.
Think about how much resilience and strong each of us has in covering up our grief, sorrow, shame, and abandonment. We tend not to think of ourselves in that way of resilient because it may mean how we have been in past relationships, or how we have been with our parents, or how we cope, but that is where the healing begins. It starts by recognizing how we have made it to where we are and why. The journey begins by figuring out the TRUTH about who we are, and that doesn’t mean platitudes, it means finding truth in what we believe. It means recognizing where our lashing out in relationships comes from, recognizing where our hiding from relationships comes from, where our anxiety comes from. It doesn’t come from this idea that we are weird, or not normal. No. It is because we are hurt creatures walking this world with other hurt creatures. It isn’t about covering up the pain with gold and pretending it didn’t happen. It is more about seeing the beauty in our wounds. So, if you are tired of covering up the pain, and want to seek out some true healing, then seek help with the person that is right for you. And if you don’t want to, then don’t! You get to decide and do what is right for you.